A Secular Wedding Ceremony


Dear family and friends, we have gathered here today to witness and celebrate the wedding of Groom and Bride.  Surrounded as we are by those we most love, let us turn our hearts and minds to the two before us who wish to bind their lives together, in peace, and in love, thus celebrating the beauty and joy of life.

It has been said that no man is an island entire to himself.  We are involved in all humanity and each time two people come together to blend their lives as one, it is a reaffirmation of human courage, hope and love.  Marriage is the supreme sharing of experience and an adventure in the most intimate of human relationships.  It is the joyous uniting of a couple whose comradeship and mutual understanding have flowered into romance.  Today, Groom and Bride proclaim their love to the world and we who are gathered here rejoice with them and for them in the new life they now undertake together.

Marriage is the promise of hope between two people who love each other sincerely, who honor each other as individuals, and who wish to unite their lives and share the future together. In this ceremony, they dedicate themselves to the happiness and well-being of each other, in a union of mutual caring and responsibility.  We rejoice with them that out of all the world they have found each other; and that they will henceforth find the deeper meaning and richness of human life in sharing it with each other.

Your marriage requires “love.”  When we love, we see things other people do not see.  To see with loving eyes is to know inner beauty and to be loved is to be seen and known as we are known to no other.  We are loved when another human being wants us, wishes to share their life with us, accepts us, without qualification or reservation, not as perfect, but as human, with strengths and weaknesses.

Love endures only when the lovers love many things and not merely each other, when they share the same values, hold the same interests.  You will need to be able to trust one another and learn, as well, to depend on one another.  Do not forget the love that you share today, continue to show your appreciation and admiration on a daily basis throughout the rest of your lives.

A successful marriage is based on love, equality, respect, and commitment on the part of both, in which each must adjust to the other's temperaments and moods.  In marriage two persons turn to each other in search of greater fulfillment than either can achieve alone.  Marriage should be a growing and dynamic relationship, a dream of tomorrow in which we grow and fulfill our possibilities.  It is wondrous when someone believes in the dream of ourselves and wants to live with us and help make these dreams and aspirations come true.

Marriage is a dedication.  You give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the one you love.  You do so trustingly and generously.  Yet, each of you also receives a gift – the life and love of the other.  You receive this gift not only from the one you love, but also from their family and friends.  We are here to share your joy and to witness your first steps along the path that you are now to tread together.  May it be a path of deepening and widening love that you shall travel together until the end of your days.

Two among us who have stood apart, come now in our presence to declare their love, and to be united in marriage, facing the world strong, with the courage of two.  May they learn to share life’s trials, and grow in understanding and devotion to each other.  May love and companionship abide in the home they establish.  May they grow old together, in health and contentment, ever grateful for the union of their lives so that they will say “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.”  May they wake up each morning glorying in the joy that they awake once again next to their chosen one, their beloved. May they always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know fullness.  May they embrace one another, but not encircle one another.  May they have happiness, and may they find it in making one another happy.  May they have love, and may they find it in loving one another.

Now we have Bride and Groom before us, who wish to take their place among those who have said yes to living, yes to the hard task of loving, and yes to the best that humanity stands for.  This celebration is the outward token of an inner union of hearts.  It is a union created by their loving purpose and kept by their abiding will.  It is in this spirit and for this purpose that they have come here to be joined together. 
 

I understand that they have written their own vows.  Groom, are you ready to say your vows now?       Bride…

 

Sample vows if prefer not to write own:


We are especially grateful for the values that have been instilled in Bride and Groom from those who have loved and nurtured them.  The family and friends each brings to this marriage will continue to be important in their lives, but now will be shared between them, and will be enriched and enlarged.  Do you, who are here present, promise and commit yourselves to support and uphold their union?
 (Answer:  “We do”)

Our celebration of the union of Groom and Bride is shared by those who have passed beyond this life.  Their roles in the lives of Groom and Bride are no less remembered and honored as we savor today’s joyous moments.  Join with us, then, in fond memory of all these people, and in particular with (departed relatives names).  In their memory, let us be silent together.

Traditionally, the marriage ceremony is marked by the exchange of rings.  The wedding ring is a symbol of the unbroken circle of love; a reminder that love freely given has no beginning and no end, no giver and no receiver - for each is the giver and each is the receiver.  May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today.

Groom, please take Bride's ring, and as you place it on the ring finger of her left hand, repeat after me . . . With this ring I thee wed . . . promising to love and respect you, . . . sharing good times and bad, . . . in sickness and in health . . . til death do us part.

Bride, please take Groom's ring, and as you place it on the ring finger of his left hand, repeat after me . . . With this ring I thee wed . . . promising to love and respect you, . . . sharing good times and bad, . . . in sickness and in health . . . til death do us part.

Since you love each other in your hearts, and have promised to help each other to live and grow, in wisdom and compassion, with these rings you bind your lives together for as long as you both shall live.


Handfasting/Handholding and other options


(Optional Unity Candle Ceremony)

The miracle of love is like the miracle of a flower.  It thrives upon the sunshine of a smile.  It entwines itself around the heart.  Its roots are secured in the memories of yesterday, and its petals breathe the promise of joy filled tomorrows.  To be loved is to know happiness and contentment.  To give love is to know the joy of sharing oneself.  It is through the miracle of love that we discover the fullness of life.

Bride and Groom, now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other.  Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.  Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.  Now you are one heart in two bodies, and there is only one life before you.  Now you enter into the days of your togetherness . . . May those days be good, and long, upon this earth.

Bride and Groom, as you embark on this wonderful journey ahead of you, hand in hand, experiencing life together, may all that is true and beautiful be with you always . . . May there be peace in your home, quietness and confidence in your thoughts, and joy and celebration in your hearts.

Dear friends and family, since Groom and Bride have thus pledged themselves in the presence of this company and they have spoken the words and performed the rites which unite their lives, I do now, by the powers vested in me by the laws of the State of Kansas/Missouri, I pronounce that you are husband and wife.

Groom, you may now kiss Bride.

I present to you Mr. & Mrs. Groom (or Groom & Bride).



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Here are some examples of sample vows if you prefer not to write your own:

Groom, repeat after me:
I Groom take you Bride to be my wife /
I promise above all else to live in truth with you/
and to communicate fully and fearlessly/
I give you my hand and my heart /
as a sanctuary of warmth and peace/
and pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor
as I join my life to yours.

Bride, repeat after me:
I Bride take you Groom to be my husband/
I promise above all else to live in truth with you/
and to communicate fully and fearlessly/
I give you my hand and my heart /
as a sanctuary of warmth and peace/
and pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor
as I join my life to yours.
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I, [Groom's name], take you [Bride's name], to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep

I, [Bride's name], take you [Groom's name], to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today,
tomorrow, and forever
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep
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(Name), I take you to be my lawfully wedding (husband/wife).
Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you
as long as we both shall live.
I take you, with all your faults and your strengths,
as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths.
I will help you when you need help,
and will turn to you when I need help.
I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life.

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Some couples like to add special options to their ceremony. These might include vows to children, a unity candle, a hand-holding ceremony, or a rose ceremony. Some examples of these are below.

Optional Vows to Children

Not only do I promise to be a good husband/wife to you, but I also give my promise to be a patient, loving father/mother to __________ and________, caring for them and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them with all my heart from this day forward.
------------------------------------------

As the two of us are joined on this day, we become part of each other: your feelings become my feelings; your sorrows become my sorrows; your joys become my joys; your cares become my cares, and your child/children become(s) my child/children. I promise to be a true and faithful husband/wife and father/mother, always there to comfort you, rejoice with you and endure all the complexities of life that we will face together as a family over the years to come. My love for you and this/these child/children is pure and unshakable, and I hereby commit myself to both/all of you from this day forward.
------------------------------------------

I have promised to love you and to be your husband/wife, but I would like to add another vow, a promise to love __________________ as my own child, to provide for him/her and to be a faithful father/mother, always concerned for his/her welfare and his/her needs.
------------------------------------------

_______________, I love your Mommy/Daddy very, very much, and today I have taken her/him as my wife/husband. But you know that I love you dearly as well. I want to be as a father/mother to you, and I invite you into my heart. We will have happy times together, you and your Mommy/Daddy and I. And with this (ring or other token) I pledge to you my love.
------------------------------------------

Celebrant (to groom/bride —- referring to child): And do you, _______________ take________________ as your own, promising to love her/him and care for her/him, providing for her/him needs, material and spiritual?
Groom: I do.
Celebrant (to child): And do you, __________ take _______________ to be your loving father/mother from this day forward?
Child: I do.
Groom/Bride (to child): ________________, I give you this (ring or other token) as a symbol of the loving promise I have made to you this day.

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Unity Ceremonies

Unity Candle Ceremonies

1

This candle you are about to light is a candle of Marriage, a light of two people in love.  This candle before you is a candle of Commitment because it takes two people working together to keep it aflame.  This candle is also a candle of Unity because both must come together, giving a spark of themselves, to create the new light.

As you light this candle today, may the brightness of the flame shine throughout your lives. May it give you courage and reassurance in darkness.  Warmth and safety in the cold.  And strength and joy in your hearts.

2

Groom and Bride the two lighted candles symbolize your separate lives, your separate families and your separate sets of friends. I ask that you each take one candle and that together you light the center candle. The individual candles represent your individual lives before today. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining together of your two families and sets of friends to one.

3

Groom and Bride as on this day you have made a new light together, may you also continue to recognize that separateness from which your relationship has sprung. May the lights of your own special lives continue to feed the new flame of love which can make your future -- with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows -- a future filled with warmth and love.

 

 

Unity Sand Ceremony

Instead of lighting one candle from two, pour two containers of sand into a third container simultaneously. (If children are a part of the new family, the sand ceremony can involve them also. Some families choose a different color for each member.)

 

1

Bride and Groom, you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and receiving of rings and the exchange of a kiss, and this covenant is a relationship pledge between two people who agree that they will commit themselves to one another throughout their lives. The most beautiful example of this partnership is the marriage relationship. You have committed here today to share the rest of your lives with each other. Today, this relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these two individual containers of sand one, representing you, Scotty and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be, and the other representing you, Groom, and all that you were and all that you are, and all that you will ever be. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your marriage be.

2

Bride and Groom, today you join your separate lives together. The two separate bottles of sand symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. They represent all that you are and all that you’ll ever be as an individual. They also represent your lives before today. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so will your marriage be.

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Handfasting Ritual with Six Cords

Know now before you go further, that since your lives have crossed you have formed ties between each other. As you seek to enter this noble state of matrimony, you should strive to make real, the ideals which give meaning to both this ceremony and the institution of marriage. The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union; they will cross the years and lives of your growth. Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?
    Yes. We seek to enter.


 
I bid you to look into each other's eyes. 


Groom, will you share in Bride's pain and seek to alleviate it?
    I will.

Bride, will you share in Groom's pain and seek to alleviate it?

I will.

And so the binding is made. Please join you hands (in a figure 8 position). The first cord is placed on the bride and groom's hand.

 

Groom, will you share in Bride's laughter and look for the brightness and the positive in her?

I will.

Bride, will you share in Groom's laughter and look for the brightness and positive in him?

I will.

 

And so the binding is made. The second cord is placed on the bride and groom's hands.

 

Groom, will you share in Bride's burdens so that your spirits may grow in this union?

I will.

Bride, will you share in Groom's burdens so that your spirits may grow in this union?

I will.

 

And so the binding is made. The third cord is placed on the hands.

 

Groom, will you share in Bride's dreams?

I will.

Bride, will you share in Groom's dreams?

I will.

 

And so the binding is made. The fourth cord is placed on the hands.

 

Groom, will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?

I will.

Bride, will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?

I will.

 

And so the binding is made. The fifth cord is placed on the hands.

 

Groom, will you honor Bride as an equal in this union?

I will.

Bride, will you honor Groom as an equal in this union?

I will.

 

And so the binding is made. The sixth cord is placed on the hands.

 

Tie the cords together.

The knots of this binding are not formed by these cords buy instead by your vows. Whether this union will last or break is in your hands based on your communication, love, honor and trust of one another.

The cords are then removed.

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Hand-holding Ceremony

Please face each other and hold hands, so you may feel the gift that you are to one another.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever.

These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.

These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief wracks your mind.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.

And, lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

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Rose Gift to Mothers

(The Rose Gift is usually placed near the beginning of the ceremony, just after the officiant's welcoming statements and introduction to the ceremony.)

Officiant holds a vase with two long-stemmed red roses...

OFFICIANT: This wedding is also a celebration of family. It is the blending of two families, the (Family Name)s and the (Family Name)s, separate up to this moment, but united from this day forward -- blending their different traditions, strengthening the family tree. Parents plant so that their children may harvest. Mothers cry when their children hurt, and welcome pain and burden to give their sons and daughters the gift of life.

(Bride) and (Groom) wish to honor this blending of the families by presenting a rose to their mothers -- to thank their parents for the many selfless sacrifices they have made and for their unconditional love so freely given to their children.

(Bride & Groom exchange hugs with her parents and present a rose to her mother.)

(Bride & Groom exchange hugs with his parents and present a rose to his mother.)


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Butterfly Release

In honor of their marriage, Bride & Groom are going to release butterflies in accordance with an American Indian Legend -

If anyone desires a wish to come true they must first capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it.  Since a butterfly can make no sound, the butterfly can not reveal the wish to anyone but the Great Spirit who hears and sees all. In gratitude for giving the beautiful butterfly its freedom, the Great Spirit always grants the wish.

So, according to legend, by making a wish and giving the butterfly its freedom, the wish will be taken to the heavens and be granted.  While you probably won’t be capturing any butterflies, as they are released will you please send your best wishes for the couple along with the butterflies?

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Loving Cup

 

On this your wedding day, we celebrate the Celtic spirit of the anam cara. Anam cara is translated from the Gaelic as "soul friend." By entering in a partnership with your anam cara, you are joined in an ancient and eternal way with this person whom you most cherish. In everyone`s life there is a great need for an anam cara and so I ask you to toast one another by repeating the following.

(The Bride and Groom hold the loving cup as they repeat the following)

Bride If you’ll repeat after me:

Today I recognize Groom, my anam cara
And ask that you become a part of me, in sacred kinship.
With you, I have lost all fear and have found the greatest courage.
I have learned to love and let myself be loved.
With you, I have found a rhythm of grace and gracefulness.
Love has reawakened in my life; a rebirth; a new beginning.
With you my anam cara,
I am understood,
I am home.

Groom If you’ll repeat after me:

Today I recognize Bride, my anam cara
And ask that you become a part of me, in sacred kinship.
With you, I have lost all fear and have found the greatest courage.
I have learned to love and let myself be loved.
With you, I have found a rhythm of grace and gracefulness.
Love has reawakened in my life; a rebirth; a new beginning.
With you my anam cara,
I am understood,
I am home.

And now, please drink to the love you`ve shared in the past.

(The couple take turns sipping from the loving cup)

Drink to your love in the present, on this your wedding day.

(The couple take turns sipping from the loving cup)

And drink to your love in the future and forever more.

(The couple take turns sipping from the loving cup)


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